Psychologists Warn: Never Use These 5 Phrases When Talking To Your Child
When kids are born, all they have in the world are their parents. These are the people kids turn to when they need safety, support or guidance. They look up to them to tell them the mystery of the world. However, we are all humans and we all make mistakes. Nevertheless, a child’s parent is much more than just a human to a kid.
Parents are the child’s creators, caretakers, guardians. Our parents are our gods when we grown up. This is why parents need to be aware that they play a very big role in their kids’ psyche. They help kids shape their consciousness and their character.
The Way We Talk to Our Child is Important
When we are young our brain possesses more neural connections. It actually absorbs everything happening around us with one single goal, to help us adapt in our environment. With time, the brain hold onto the most used neural connections and gets rid of everything we do not use.
One of the things that gets stuck into our brain is our parents’ voices. It gets there so much that it becomes our inner voice.
For instance, if our parents are angry most of the time when they speak to us, if they are cold or harsh, if they shout or yell, this is how our inner voice will sound like whenever we deal with some kind of a situation. However, we are all human and we all make mistakes. You just need to learn how to deal with them.
How to Speak to Your Child?
If you talk to your child in an insulting way, this voice will prevent them from trying new things and it will make them feel worthless if they make a mistake.
On the other hand, if you use a friendly inner voice, it can be the best support, guide and motivator for them.
This is the reason why it is needed for you to speak to your child with kindness, love and honesty, even if they make a mistake. Then, the voice that will be in their head will be full of support even if you are not there for them.
Avoid Saying the Following Phrases
‘You are not (Something) Enough’
If you say this phrase to your kids, you show them a lot of restrictions. You say that they lack something and they are not enough. This might not be true, however, you are programming their mind to think that way. They are actually enough to be themselves. Instead you should tell your kid that they are enough to be or do what they love. However, we all need some practice before in order to grow in the way we want to.
‘I am Disappointed in You’
Parents can say this phrase a lot when the kids already feel bad. It is a very selfish thing to make your kids feel bad for your disappointment. You should never be disappointed in your child. Your job is to provide a right path for them. Thus, if they do something wrong, you should be the ones to guide them back. Just teach your child what is wrong. Instead, you should tell them what they did wrong in your opinion and you should explain. However, you should encourage them that they can always do better.
‘Big Boys/Girls Don’t Get Scared’
You need to stop lying to your kid. You are more frightened during your day than they are. Plus, you are making them ignore their true feelings. It is not a bad thing to be afraid, this means you are cautious. Do not run away from fear, face it instead and learn from it. Also, to be courageous is not to be fearless, but it is to face your fear when terrified. Instead, you should tell your kids that it is okay to be scared, all people are sometimes. However, there is courage inside everyone and that courage will help you do the right thing.
‘You are Worthless’
This is the worst thing you can say to your child. Especially when you are the one person they seek approval most of. With this phrase, you will program your child to go on a journey to constantly seek approval from the outer world. You need to help them find their own worth inside of them. Instead, you can say things like ‘You can do better!’, ‘Nobody’s perfect.’, ‘It’s not your day, you will do better next time.’
‘Stop Crying Right Now!’
When kids do something wrong they usually know they are going to get punished, thus, they start crying. These are their emotions. They have every right to express how they feel. If you say this to them, you are saying to your child to suppress their emotions. Instead, you need to say to them that it is okay to cry and show emotions, however, they still did something wrong and you should explain what.
This is advice that most psychologists offer when it comes to good parenting. Therefore, try to be more patient and kind and understanding so that your children will grow up to be decent individuals ready for the world.